How to find girl for arranged marriage
Parents accept nothing but the best for their children. When it comes to finding the right partner for their child, their filter is the strongest and the criteria is the harshest. Wait, dear boy, this does not mean that you will get the girl of your dream in just one try. These are the different kinds of bachelorettes that you will come across if you are going for an arranged marriage:.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Checklist To Find the Right Life Partner - By Yoga Guru - Hansaji
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 10 QUESTIONS I ASKED MY HUSBAND BEFORE OUR ARRANGED MARRIAGE - Ranju NContent:
- 10 things you should not do on your first arranged marriage meeting
- Books Featuring Arranged Marriages
- I agreed to marry a man I’d met only once
- Cambodian Marriage
- Arranged Marriage: What to Ask a Girl in the First Meeting
- 10 Types Of Girls You Meet In An Arranged Marriage Meeting
- Arranged marriage: a dilemma for young British Asians
- Going for an arranged marriage? Here are the questions to ask on ...
10 things you should not do on your first arranged marriage meeting
The tradition of arranged marriage has operated successfully within many communities and countries over a long period of time. However, this tradition has come under challenge especially by the younger generations, because of the increasing incidence of forced marriages taking place both here in the UK and back in the Indian subcontinent.
There is a fine distinction between forced and arranged marriage. Arranged marriage takes place only with full agreement and consent from both parties, whereas in forced marriage, one or both spouses do not consent to the marriage, and an element of duress, physical, emotional or both, is involved.
The UK government made a proposal to make forcing someone to marry a specific criminal offence. Unfortunately, it was felt that criminalization would not provide an effective intervention into this problem. Instead, the use of existing laws with better support for the victims would better address the wrongs involved in forced marriage cases. This paper closes by highlighting the responsibilities of young British Asians as well as health and social care professionals to help combat forced marriage.
Arranged marriage has been a long-standing tradition which has been passed down over many generations within Asian cultures, and is also known in other societies. The institution of arranged marriage is much respected in South Asian communities both in the UK and abroad, particularly by members of the older generations Grewal, b , but it has come under challenge especially in the Diaspora. Traditionally, arranging marriages has been considered as an important role for parents and close family members, who regard the fulfilment of the arrangement as a matter of great family honour see Box 1.
Usually, once a proposal has been received from either side of the family, a formal meeting is arranged to introduce the prospective partners and their families to discuss wedding arrangements and dowry. Historically, the dowry daj has been seen as a form of financial protection or insurance for the bride Bhachu, People prefer to accumulate possessions themselves rather than have them provided by parents.
Once the initial meeting has taken place, time is given to both parties, and a decision is expected from both the boy and the girl if they are happy for the arrangements to go ahead. In this process, the prospective partners are allowed to spend some time with each other, but not alone, and usually within family gatherings.
There is absolutely no duress involved, and the individuals are free to make their own decisions Samad, In forced marriage, one or both individuals do not consent to the marriage, and an element of duress, physical, emotional or both, is involved. There are growing numbers of reports of forced, or rather coerced, marriages taking place, especially involving British Asian girls with boys who are usually close family members back in the subcontinent Home Office, The marriage is arranged without consultation with the girl, who is usually told that a relative is getting married or a grandparent is seriously unwell and a visit back home is urgent, only to face a totally different picture once there Choudry, ; Home Office, Some rigid practices such as arranging marriage at birth still exist in some parts of the subcontinent, when parents later feel compelled to keep their promise.
Forced marriage is not confined to Bangladesh or Pakistan alone, although media reports give the impression that this is more prevalent there. It appears that much value is placed upon family honour and maintaining a close family bond, both here and back home, paying little attention, if any, as to whether the boy and girl will get on or whether they are in any way compatible. Forced marriage, therefore, is a form of social control.
It is a control by family of female sexuality, and to protect family honour. It is about power relations between men and women, and the power of parents over their children, especially daughters.
In Britain it is reported that some girls are forced into marriage every year. In the past year the Forced Marriage Unit FMU, which specifically deals with cases of forced marriages both in the UK and abroad , based at the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, dealt with nearly cases, which is regarded as only representing the tip of the iceberg personal communication, Abigail N, National Consultation Co-ordinator, Home Office, London, Eightyfive percent of those forced into marriage are women with an average age of between 15 and 21 years www.
More locally, Southall Black Sisters deal with around cases of forced marriage every year Musella and Pai, The High Commission in Pakistan issued visas to spouses in , and this rose to in Grewal, a. Forced marriage is not confined to women alone: men also may get forced into marriage with equally disastrous results.
While there is a great deal of scepticism surrounding arranged marriage, some of which is partly due to confusion with forced marriage, some individuals who do not get the opportunity to meet prospective partners being busy with career or education may welcome the opportunity to have their marriage arranged, and trust and rely upon family members to look into the background and character of the prospective partner Gill, ; Samad, There are various forms of arranged marriages, and the social class and educational backgrounds of parents are closely linked to the degree of choice that is offered to children.
While many arranged marriages do work out well, the sad truth is that many do not. The couples often do not get along due to differences of outlook in life, interests, ambitions, or simply the way they have been brought up. The woman may want to work, delay having children or socialise with friends outside of the home, while the man, or rather his family, may want her to stay home to pursue traditional family roles such as looking after the children, doing the housework and performing religious activities.
Simplywanting change causes conflict between the couple, which is further complicated by the involvement of the extended family members Modood and Beishon, The literature seems to suggest that children often surrender to the demands for marriage simply to please parents and extended family members. British Asians need to take responsibility to help combat this problem. Simply saying that parents forced them to enter a marriage can no longer be acceptable. If people suspect that travelling back to the subcontinent for a holiday will result in forced marriage, they should refuse to go.
It is also up to individuals to make it clear to parents that if they are forced to enter a marriage, every effort will be made to bring about criminal convictions.
Law enforcers both here in the UK and back in the subcontinent need to make it crystal clear that prosecutions and convictions will follow any attempt at forced marriage. British government initiatives to increase awareness of the illegality of forced marriage through national press and radio advertisements will only do so much.
Parliament has been debating whether forcing people to marry should be made a criminal offence www. The Home Office launched a consultation document in , Forced Marriage: a wrong not a right, to prompt public debate on whether the criminalisation of forced marriage would help to combat forced marriages in the UK see Box 2.
The outcome was that criminalisation would not provide an effective intervention into this problem. Existing criminal offences such as rape, murder, torture, kidnap, abduction and assault, togetherwith a stronger emphasis on theHuman Rights Act, which forms the practical application of the principles enshrined in international covenants, the provision ofmore effective outreach services for women at risk, and a culturally sensitive dialogue with the communities, would better address the wrongs involved in forced marriage cases Home Office, Box 2: Arguments for and against criminalisation of forced marriage Home Office, The Muslim Council of Britain argued that criminalising forced marriage was not the solution, as it would lead to children having to take their parents to court Sacranie, However, even when cases come to light, the police often struggle to press charges, while women who dare to rebel and run away typically become outcasts, often pursued by professional bounty hunters hired by furious families Hickley, The government seems to have ignored the views of the victims of this abhorrent practice.
Although some people may not wish to prosecute their parents, there are some young men and women who do wish to, and at least they should be given the choice to do so.
In passing up this legislation, young British Asians have lost the chance to send a clear message about the rights of individual choice. The struggle for choice by young British Asians and the unquestioning compliance expected by parents highlight on the one hand the changes that have occurred among different generations. On the other hand, the rigidity that still exists among Asian communities shows that the older generations are not changing; they are neither accepting nor willing to adapt to the changes that are taking place.
Hence, the intergenerational and interpersonal conflicts are causing a great deal of distress that might explain the increased rate of actual and attempted suicides among young Asian girls. Intergenerational and family conflicts, together with pressure of marriage, were identified as significant contributory factors in the above studies. It is also shocking to discover the high incidence of attempted and actual suicides through hanging, burning and particularly self-poisoning among young Asian Muslim girls Hodes, Ghaman, In most Asian families, children are brought up to be obedient and respectful of their elders in the family and community round them.
Parents often fear that, for children, diverting away from Islamic and cultural traditions may be seen as easy and a sign of independence in a western world where freedom of choice and independence are exercised. Therefore, any attempt to make independent choices by children is seen as a sign of rebellion against family, religious and cultural values and traditions Modood and Beishon, Religion is often used as an excuse for placing strict control on children, particularly girls, by restricting further education beyond compulsory school age, and keeping a watchful eye on their social interactions.
This is mostly done because of fear of children going astray through western influences, and a perception that the only way of keeping them functioning in a way that is acceptable to parents is through the expressed fear of God. This is said to prevent the escalation of sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies and the portrayal of western norms of socialisation, which are largely frowned upon as immoral and unacceptable forms of behaviour.
The reality for many British Asians, especially those living away from home, is that they are engaging in sexual relationships Ghaman, This is kept a secret from family members because of the fear of consequence and shame. In the UK, there have been cases where girls have been murdered, usually by their father and older brothers, when family members discovered that they have been engaging in sexual activity or have rebelled against family wishes for marriage Gill and Hussain, This is usually done in the name of family honour.
While Islam advocates choice and mutual agreement between potential partners, it only goes as far as to allow individuals to say no to a marriage proposal. This is done to preserve the innocence of the unmarried female. Muslim parents are usually most reluctant for girls to engage in any kind of contact with males before marriage, fearing their innocence may be lost which will cause problems with future marriage proposals.
There also seems to be an attitude that it is acceptable for men to engage in sexual relationships before marriage. Furthermore, in a society that prizes virginity and purity of the bride on the wedding night, some Asian men prefer to marry back home as family are reassured that girls in the village would remain virgins until marriage Samad, Another reason for marrying from the subcontinent is the perception that western Asian girls are too independent, and hence pose a threat to the male status as they have much higher expectations.
While in the subcontinent, families, especially poor ones, with girls want the best for their children, and hence parents search for partners who are financially well off. However, these girls are usually uneducated, and when they arrive in the UK, with little or no ability to speak English, they are totally dependent on their husbands and the in-laws. In this process, the female stays home to pursue traditional family roles, and the male retains all the control, thus conforming to the dominant male status in the Asian culture Gill and Hussain, While sex before marriage is acceptable in the western world, it is still considered by observant Muslims at least as filthy and impure for a Muslim to engage in such activities before marriage.
For a girl in the subcontinent, a marriage proposal can be turned down if a rumour says that she is impure.
There is ample evidence that women within the subcontinent do not have, whatever the constitutions of their country may state, the most basic human rights. A rumour of sexual promiscuity can result in the murder of a girl without any attempt even being made to establish the facts Home Office, Women cannot even wait for a bus without the fear of molestation, which goes unchallenged by the authorities Breaking the Silence, In its extreme form, women are burnt with acid for refusing unwelcome advances from males.
Many girls, especially those forced into marriage, are essentially raped on their wedding night Price, Tribal courts have ordered gang rape of females, where a male in the family has committed a crime in the village or been seen talking to another female Gill and Hussain, In some states of the subcontinent, there are virtually no rights for women.
Children are routinely sexually abused by family members and religious persons, which parents never get to hear about, and if they do they will usually beat the children and accuse them of telling lies Breaking the Silence, These examples are well documented, but no effort is made to bring about change. In certain parts of Bangladesh, drug abuse is at an all-time high Begum, ; Rahman, ; Islam et al, People have multiple sexual partners of either residential or commercial category.
There has been an increase in sexual diseases and blood-borne viruses Hossain, The above studies have speculated that the patterns are consistent among all social groups to varying levels; however they were only able to recruit individuals from lower socio-economic groups long distance truck drivers, rickshaw pullers, manual workers.
Therefore, it seems that whatever constitutes decadent behaviour in the west is also prevalent in the Asian subcontinent, but it is not spoken about, and is vigorously denied in an effort to maintain and preserve honour and dignity Izzat and Sharam.
Attitudes reflected by the media seem to indicate that western societies have great misgivings about arranged marriages.
Firstly, this is perhaps a reflection of the lack of knowledge, awareness and respect for this tradition. Secondly, there is the confusion caused between arranged and forced marriage. Thirdly, the media never concentrate on the successful marriages, but cover failed marriages, and this feeds into the stereotypes held by the wider western society.
Books Featuring Arranged Marriages
First make her feel comfortable with you, so start with topics which would interest her. Discuss about the latest good movie running these days. If she likes dancing,discuss about Madhuri Dixit and her grace. Girls love to discuss on such topics. Her stiff body language would ease up and she would start behaving her own self.
Talking about the present scenario, it really looks like our ultra-modern and progressive generation would hardly ever get to know what actual love is. Today's generation is simply dwelling between break-ups and patch-ups and they are quite far away from the idea of arrange marriage and being a "one woman" man or "one man" woman. But still I hope there would be some people of our breed believing in traditions and culture. Usually there are two types of marriage in our society, first is love marriage in which both individuals fall in love and get married on the basis of that love and nothing else matters much and the second is arrange marriage in which two individuals get serious about getting married even before selecting their partners. Love marriage needs no effort for both individuals because they already know each other from a quite long time but arrange marriage take loads of efforts for both individuals as their partners are complete strangers to them.
I agreed to marry a man I’d met only once
Arranged marriage has been the tradition in Cambodia for centuries and remains the norm practiced for Cambodians both at home and overseas. Marriage is a very important institution for Cambodians. The courtship practices and the marriage ceremony are very different from those practiced in the Western culture. Traditionally, marriage was always arranged without the knowledge or consent of the individuals to be married. Forced marriage was common. Many families arranged marriages while the betrothed individuals were still very young; friends made promises to each other that their children would marry. The girl would have nothing to say about it. Arranged marriage has survived because of religion and tradition. Most Cambodians are Buddhist. In Buddhism, it is an obligation of parents to find spouses for their children and to marry them into good families.
Getting married is an amusing feeling, but these feelings are multiplied when you have to meet a girl from the perspective of getting married. Although it is a difficult task, yet it is best to know what all a guy should and should not ask a girl. Well, last thing you would want is a stranger rolling out in laughter at your questions or worse, get beaten up! So, here are some questions that guys should ask to get to know the girl better before marriage. Always remember that just like you even the girl maybe nervous about this meeting.
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Arranged Marriage: What to Ask a Girl in the First Meeting
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Arranged marriage is a tradition in the societies of the Indian subcontinent , and continue to account for an overwhelming majority of marriages in the Indian subcontinent. Arranged marriages are believed to have initially risen to prominence in the Indian subcontinent when the historical Vedic religion gradually gave way to classical Hinduism the ca. The Indian subcontinent has historically been home to a wide variety of wedding systems. Some were unique to the region, such as Swayamvara which was rooted in the historical Vedic religion and had a strong hold in popular culture because it was the procedure used by Rama and Sita. In a swayamvara , the girl's parents broadcast the intent of the girl to marry and invited all interested men to be present in a wedding hall on a specific date and time. The girl, who was also often given some prior knowledge about the men or was aware of their general reputation, would circulate the hall and indicate her choice by garlanding the man she wanted to marry.
10 Types Of Girls You Meet In An Arranged Marriage Meeting
Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are selected by individuals other than the couple themselves, particularly by family members such as the parents. In some cultures a professional matchmaker may be used to find a spouse for a young person. Arranged marriages have historically been prominent in many cultures. The practice remains common in many regions, notably South Asia , though in many other parts of the world, the practice has declined substantially during the 19th and 20th centuries. There are several subcategories of arranged marriage. Forced marriages , practised in some cultures, are condemned by the United Nations. The specific sub-category of forced child marriage is especially condemned.
We always dream of our wedding! The elaborate red lehenga, the floral mandap and exchanging vows with the love of your life, the wedding is one day that we plan for the longest time. Some find love in college and some find love after their wedding. And in case you don't find love, your parents and families set you up to meet a guy who can be your potential partner. Meeting a guy for the first time can be scary and taxing.
Arranged marriage: a dilemma for young British Asians
Updated: August 8, References. An arranged marriage can lead to enduring companionship and love. Getting to know your bride-to-be before you marry will help you dissolve your inhibitions and begin your life together on a foundation of friendship and respect.
Going for an arranged marriage? Here are the questions to ask on ...
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