How to find my husband loves me
Perhaps you and your spouse fell in love a long time ago and have been married for several years even decades , or maybe you are newlyweds. Well, congratulations! We all know that true love is all about growth, and it's quite natural for husbands and wives to go through periods of uncertainty. It is also common to wonder if they still care.
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Signs Your Husband Doesn't Love You Anymore - Paul FriedmanContent:
- Does He Love Me? 10 Signs Your Spouse Is Still Head Over Heels
- 8 Ways Your Husband is Silently Showing He Loves You
- I Love My Husband, But Does He Love Me?
- Does My Husband Really Love Me Quiz
- 9 Subtle Signs Your Partner Is Falling Out Of Love With You
- 15 Signs Your Husband is Still Madly in Love With You
Does He Love Me? 10 Signs Your Spouse Is Still Head Over Heels
He had just returned from a month-long business trip. I knew that he had been acting distant and withdrawn while he was away, but I didn't know my husband had fallen out of love with me. To make matters worse, we often view this whole "falling out of love" thing as something we have no control over, even when it happens to us — or someone who loves us.
When a relationship that was once hot slowly transforms to not , we are usually thrown into crisis mode — especially if we still love him. Then, without training on how to fix our relationship or handle a breakup, we either frantically try to make him fall back in love or we completely stick our head in the sand.
We might start idly googling "why men lose interest" or "signs your husband doesn't love you" while fantasizing about the hot affair we could have with someone else. Remember that feeling of not being able to get enough of each other? That bliss has been slowly replaced with the sense that your loved one is avoiding you or suddenly needs to "find himself.
You might still spend time together, but now he doesn't stay in touch like he used to. If you live together, he might avoid coming home after work. If you used to reliably spend your weekends together, he starts making other plans. No matter what excuses he uses, it becomes hard to connect with him. In the beginning, he would run through fiery hoops to make you smile. But, when a man loses interest in you, he becomes more and more selfish. He might have stopped bringing you little gifts or showing that he cares.
Men are problem solvers. If they see a problem, they launch themselves into solving it. This naturally extends to relationships with the women they love. Barring major extenuating circumstances, if he loves you, he will want to make things better between the two of you.
Sometimes that process includes letting off steam and getting relationship advice from his friends. This is pretty normal. When he falls out of love, his tone will turn from one of genuine curiosity, love, and respect toward one of resigned, hopeless complaint.
He will often start wondering out loud, "Is this all worth it? Communication between you is strained, irregular and tense. It feels like there is an elephant in the room that neither of you has any control over. And, if you live together — the early days of constant texts, calls, and contact naturally level off. But, when someone is falling out of love with you, they tend to dodge frequent contact with you. When people fall out of love with each other, they handle disagreements differently than they used to.
All couples disagree and everyone has their individual conflict style. Some people fight like cats and dogs but making up is so passionate that the energy of reconnection sucks all the oxygen out of the room. Often, people will completely give up on arguing or they will pick confusing and abrupt fights and use them as an excuse to leave the scene — thereby, gaining more precious alone time. A partner who is falling out of love will often simply give up on disagreeing with you in any way — settling, instead, for placating you then doing whatever they want anyway or completely avoiding conflict altogether.
Instead of caring about fixing the relationship, they care about minimizing the simple inconvenience of disagreeing. You know those ways you connect with your partner throughout the day like flirting, texting about the weather, sharing little stories, or a certain a look, a little touch? Renown relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman calls these attempts to connect, "bids". Couples who got divorced responded positively to each other only 33 percent of the time. Your once-loving partner has started treating you rudely.
He might compare you unfavorably to other women or his exes. Suddenly, your "little quirks" that he used to think were cute and part of what made you unique irritate the heck out of him. It seems like everything you do suddenly happen to annoy him. Whatever he says, the loving voice of approval has been replaced by the disapproving voice of discontent. In a healthy relationship, it doesn't matter how often a couple is intimate as long as they agree upon it.
Usually, when a relationship gets rocky, one person has lost interest in sex and the other completely gives up on trying to initiate sex, has started acting out, cheating or suffers angrily in silence from the lack of intimacy. Couples who turn away from each other in the intimacy department cultivate an environment of hurt, mistrust, and undesirability. When someone is falling out of love with you, not only does this lack of sex suck even worse but your pleas to connect fall on deaf ears.
Sadly, this is not true. People fall in and out of love with each other all the time. This never works to make a man fall back in love with you. Not only have I tried it and failed myself, but my successful clients report that when they do a bunch of stuff to make someone fall in love with them again, it always fails. Love is like a see-saw. When one person does more, the other person automatically does less.
I know exactly what that feels like. You must keep your wits about you. You must back off. Often, backing way off and working on yourself is exactly the powerful magic you need to get things back on track with him.
Find out more by getting yourself a free copy of her book, Why Men Lose Interest and free daily almost email series now. Sign in. Join YourTango Experts. Expert Blog. Elizabeth Stone. Love , Heartbreak September 17, His actions speak far louder than his words.
8 Ways Your Husband is Silently Showing He Loves You
All of us have moments of insecurity, even those of us in the happiest of relationships. So it is completely normal to ask yourself at times "does my husband love me? It is just assumed that we do, but a reminder is appreciated from time to time.
One Netflix and no-chill Friday too many and it can be easy to fall down the what-does-this-really-mean-for-our-marriage rabbit hole. But Stan Tatkin , a psychologist and author of Wired for Love , says that if you're worried he's fallen out of love , try to rest easy because it's likely not the case. Instead, he's probably down-shifted into a different kind of love. Quiet Love, on the other hand, comes into the picture when that exhilaration starts to fade: "It's a calm but alert state couples get into when they're fully relaxed and engaged with one another," he explains.
I Love My Husband, But Does He Love Me?
All marriages change with time , and it's normal even desirable for the insane passion of your early years together to settle into a relaxed companionship. Still, that shift may lead many to believe that their partners have fallen out of love, although according to Stan Tatkin , a psychologist and author of Wired for Love , this is likely not the case. Here, he and other experts offer ten subtle signs that your husband is still madly in love with you. When he's sitting across from you at dinner, he's not on his phone or glancing elsewhere. He's look you right in the eyes, attentively listening to everything you have to say. According to research by psychologist Zick Rubin, couples who are deeply in love with each other look at each other 75 percent of the time, while regular people conversing only look at one another percent of the time. In other words, strong eye contact shows that he's truly interested in everything you have to say. It's easy to take this as a sign of disinterest, but Paul Coleman , a psychologist and author of Finding Peace When Your Heart is in Pieces , says that when men are in love, they usually appear less enthusiastic than women do. This is because of their lower levels of serotonin, according to research published in the Journal of Psychophysiology.
Does My Husband Really Love Me Quiz
9 Subtle Signs Your Partner Is Falling Out Of Love With You
.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 5 Things a Man Will Do if He Truly Loves You
15 Signs Your Husband is Still Madly in Love With You