My boyfriend and i have different values
My husband and I have been married 35 years and have led marriage preparation programs for 30 of those years. I can tell you the obvious — that times have changed and we have changed. Yes, good communication is essential to a thriving marriage, BUT, it is not sufficient and probably not the most important criteria for choosing a mate. I say this because in my counseling I repeatedly came across couples who had learned the right communication skills and could use them. They were often fine, caring men and women, but they had serious difficulty living together happily- not at the beginning, but after several years. The bottom line often came down to either very different personalities or very different values.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: If you & your partner have different VALUES, watch this! (comedy video)
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Can a relationship work with different interests and backgrounds? — Susan WinterContent:
- Can You Date a Man With Different Values Than Your Own?
- 5 Important Shared Values Every Relationship Should Have If You Want It To Last Forever
- Me and my partner have very different values
- Stop Missing Dating Opportunities
- Common Values
- The 15 Incompatible Qualities That End Relationships, According To Matchmakers
Can You Date a Man With Different Values Than Your Own?
My husband and I have been married 35 years and have led marriage preparation programs for 30 of those years. I can tell you the obvious — that times have changed and we have changed. Yes, good communication is essential to a thriving marriage, BUT, it is not sufficient and probably not the most important criteria for choosing a mate.
I say this because in my counseling I repeatedly came across couples who had learned the right communication skills and could use them. They were often fine, caring men and women, but they had serious difficulty living together happily- not at the beginning, but after several years.
The bottom line often came down to either very different personalities or very different values. The other significant variable was the inability of at least one partner to make a lasting commitment. Complementary personalities, however, can also be an advantage. Often people with different personalities can work out accommodations as long as the difference is not too extreme or on too many different fronts.
Common values, however, can be a deal breaker. If one spouse values faith and the other resents religion, conflict is inevitable. One partner may really want children and feels marriage would not be complete without a child, while the other is ambivalent or, worse, thinks children would impinge upon their lifestyle.
Good communication can only clarify this difference, not solve it. Likewise, if one spouse believes that career is the top priority and the other puts family first, the argument will be eternal- either by outward criticism and fighting or by going underground with general dissatisfaction or depression.
Whether one spouse should stay home with young children is a subcategory of this issue. Different beliefs about respect for human life and other moral values are deeply rooted. Getting new information and talking through differences usually only lead spouses to realize that they have vastly different life goals and values. This is fine, you may say, for engaged couples who have not yet made a marriage commitment, but what about us married couples?
Is it too late? Can value differences be fixed or changed? The answer is that prevention is always preferable but seldom is a situation hopeless. A lot depends on the severity of differences and whether there are compromises that both spouses can tolerate. Over time they may learn that not everything is black and white.
On the other hand, a spouse who rationalizes away ethical decisions, saying they are unimportant, may, with commitment and effort, develop a more sensitive conscience. Sometimes a couple can agree to disagree on a few values and live their lives in different spheres. For example, one night a week she goes to a prayer group and he plays his favorite sport.
Circle the values that are most important to you. Then rank them in importance from I believe in being flexible and spontaneous, not being uptight. Education is over-rated.
Suffering and delayed gratification have no use and are to be avoided. About the author Susan Vogt is an author and speaker on marriage, parenting, and spirituality.
Every marriage has challenges. The good news is there are many dedicated staff willing to work with you and your spouse Whose fault was your last fight? To resolve an argument, look at what you contributed more than what your spouse did wrong. For Your Marriage is here to support you! Marriage: Unique for a Reason. Throughout www. USCCB assumes no responsibility for these websites, their content, or their sponsoring organizations.
All rights reserved. Skip to content. Toggle navigation MENU. Common Values. Good communication is not enough Yes, good communication is essential to a thriving marriage, BUT, it is not sufficient and probably not the most important criteria for choosing a mate.
Most serious value differences require counseling. Try a short exercise to determine how close you and your spouse are on basic marriage values. Sure, but some commitments are just too hard to keep.
Devotion to parents. Parents are important, but spouse comes first. Sometimes evil needs to be confronted, even with violence. Living simply. I work hard for my money. Some people are too kind and others take advantage of them.
Friends are nice, but family and spouse are more important. I value my freedom more. Related Articles. Newlyweds in the Time of Coronavirus More time together at home comes with both graces and challenges. Featured Resource. View Previous Marriage Tips. Explore Popular Content. Getting Serious. Planning a Catholic Wedding. Obstacles to a Healthy Marriage Lifelong marriage is still the ideal.
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5 Important Shared Values Every Relationship Should Have If You Want It To Last Forever
Every couple is different, and there are a million little things that can contribute to a happy, healthy relationship. Only you and your partner really know where your relationship stands and what your future may hold, but, there are certain important shared values every relationship should have in order for a couple to make things last. According to Fran Greene , relationship coach and author of The Secret Rules of Flirting and Dating Again with Courage and Confidence , "Sharing values is crucial for a relationship to thrive and grow.
People bring different perspectives, talents and strengths to a relationship. You might appreciate some of the things your partner has to offer — great cooking, their sense of humour, good sex, getting on well with your family and friends — but you might not like their taste in music, the time they spend on technology or the fact they get stressed easily. Some conflict in relationships is inevitable, but there are ways to handle it so it is not destructive to you individually or as a couple. Relationships can become stronger if partners can talk about differences and stress as a normal part of their relationship.
Me and my partner have very different values
Sounds complicated, right? Popular opinion tells us that opposites attract. Look at Romeo and Juliet coming from two perpetually feuding families. We believe that such different types are magnetically drawn together. But do they live happily ever after? Certainly not in those two examples, nor in many others. Even The Little Mermaid — the original Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale, not the treacly Disney movie — winds up rejected by the handsome prince and dies. Based on their long experiences both in and out of romantic relationships, the fundamental lesson is this: You are much more likely to have a satisfying marriage for a lifetime when you and your mate are fundamentally similar. I can hear some of you saying: But it would be boring if two mates were exactly alike in interests and personality! Although it may sound paradoxical, long-married elders agree that some differences can spice up a relationship.
Stop Missing Dating Opportunities
You had all of the symptoms. Does any of this sound familiar? If it does, it can be because of a difference in core values between you and your partner. Let me tell you a story about a girl who thought she had it all.
If you're looking for long-term relationship success, finding someone you're compatible with is key. Although not entirely impossible, being in a relationship with someone who's completely different from you in every way can make things a little more challenging. According to matchmakers, there are certain sets of incompatible qualities between partners that are much more likely to lead to relationship failure than success.
In the past, chemistry and having fun with someone was enough to ground a relationship, because whether or not I wanted to admit it to myself, I knew deep down those relationships were not built to last. Now it's probably one of my biggest concerns. After all, now I look at relationships as more than just someone to have fun with, but instead, someone I want to spend my life with — and having shared values is a big part of that.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: We Have Different Views On Important Values
If you and your partner are having trouble resolving a difference in opinion, you might like to consider the following. You are here Home Relationship help Help with relationships Arguing and conflict Me and my partner have very different values. Me and my partner have very different values. Dealing with differences If you and your partner are having trouble resolving a difference in opinion, you might like to consider the following. Talk things over - properly. Listen to what each other has to say.
The 15 Incompatible Qualities That End Relationships, According To Matchmakers
March 1st, by Nick Notas 8 Comments. Many guys get standoffish or defensive. Some poke fun at the men who need that advice to deflect the attention off of themselves. Some women think I must teach weird creeps to manipulate people. Or that I must have questionable morals to do what I do. But most women are actually curious and fascinated by the idea. They love discussing relationships and want to hear more about my perspective.